The Heart

This week was a tough week for me.

I was feeling fuller of God and He was talking to me and laid some things on my heart. He showed me things I need to work on and things I needed to voice. This week, though, man, it was tough!

If it's okay, I'd like to take a post and dedicate it strictly to what has been going on spiritually. Too often, I get involved in what's been going on with the ministry and what God's doing there. I'm neglecting sharing what God's doing with me. Maybe what I write will help one of you folks who reads this. Maybe you'll feel encouraged. Maybe you'll feel like you're not alone. If you feel you do agree with me, I pray the Holy Spirit will speak to you so that we can carry on and learn something new God has for us.

I didn't work with this group at all. Taira and I (along with Jason and David) were given the reins for kid's club. By God's grace and mercy, everything went smoothly. Even though I didn't work with the group, I was annoyed with them. Every night we all got together and talked about what we did and such. Every night all I heard was what the human did and not what God did. There wasn't anything said like "God did this" or "God did that". It frustrated me completely because it's never us who does anything. All our abilities and strength and opportunities are given to us by God. We shouldn't be taking credit for anything! So to hear that every night got to me. A few things happened tonight that I was spiritually angry about and I vented to Betsy and Taira and them in full.

Coming back from devotions, I had some convictions though. Luke 6:41 came into my head when I walked into my apartment. There are things that bug me about other people but I should be evaluating my own heart. When I'm perfect THEN and ONLY THEN should I start pointing fingers. And even then I shouldn't because the only One who is perfect is God and through grace and mercy and abounding love, does He not point fingers. Instead, He picks us up when we do wrong, brushes us off, and puts us back on track.

To rid myself of this hectic, troublesome week, I sang in the shower. God bless Betsy for putting up with my constant singing. I sing probably every time I'm in the shower and she does nothing about it. Usually, at home, my dad will bang on the door and I laugh and start singing in a quiet whisper. But Betsy. Dude, I can sing like at the top of my lungs and she wouldn't mind. I've done it. (I sang "Memory" when I thought no one was in the apartment. I'm pretty sure she heard every note...)

Anyway. So I sang "Heart of Worship" over and over again. Those lyrics really stood out to me tonight. We were rushed to practice tonight and it was definitely thrown together at the last minute. I got on stage and as I began singing, I just gave it to God. And as I'm sitting here writing, a thought popped into my head. When we sing to God, it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't even have to be in key (though those who are listening would appreciate it). When your heart is in the right place and you really don't care what anyone thinks but God, that's when true worship becomes a part of you.

Truthfully, I didn't sing what others would consider my "best", meaning it was a little off with the music and such. But, truthfully, tonight was the best worship I've ever had. I think because I was imperfect God was able to shine. I wasn't singing to impress anyone. I closed my eyes and sang to God. It was beautiful and after I sat down I didn't care what others thought. I had done my job. I had worshipped the Lord and I was content with that. I wasn't upset with how my singing was. I was upset about something else, which if any AO staffers want to know, just ask.

After I sang in the shower, some verses came to me and were swimming around in my mind. I'll write it out because I think it's so awesome.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,

I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the

gift of prophesy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,

and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love,

I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and

surrender my body to the flames, but have not love,

I am nothing.

And now these three remain:

faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3, 13

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about You, Jesus". It's all about Jesus. Everything we do, say, think is all about Jesus. Am I setting a good example? Am I being a righteous leader? Am I going out with the love of Christ and love for my brothers and sisters in Christ each day I serve? If I serve and have no love, everything I do is for nothing.

I was convicted because this week I didn't fully love the group. I was wrapped up in what was not there instead of what was there. God was there. Someone said in our AO devotions tonight that God works even when we have a bad attitude. He still brings honor and glory through His Name. Even if I don't think God can work because of someone's attitude...well, maybe that someone is me. God can and He does work and it's only my stupid, foolish, tunnel thinking that makes me assume otherwise.

Basically what I learned this week was: don't underestimate the power of Christ. I can't control how people respond and I can't make them respond how I want them to respond. No, that's God's job. I am only supposed to be a tool, not the carpenter.

So with that, I bid you all a lovely weekend.

Cleaning starts tomorrow and then Saturday is our own to spend however we wish. Nichole and a bunch of us are thinking hiking. We'll see. I'll tell you one thing, I will hug a tree if we go. It's been so long since I have...

Ciao!