Home Stretch

Today was the last official work day for the summer missionaries.

Packing and exit interviews are to be completed. Keys are to be returned, apartments cleaned (YIKES!) and many "au revoir"s are to be said.

Tears shed? Quite possibly.

I've been so blessed to have come here for two months and work alongside fellow Christians. I've been challenged, weakened but never completely torn down. I've been strengthened and felt empowered and sometimes I questioned if God was truly with me when I couldn't feel Him. I now know that feeling God isn't believing. Believing is when we truly trust in His power and His presence when we can't feel Him right beside us.

God has taught me to look inside people and try to figure out why they act or say the things they do. He's given me doors of opportunity to hear people's stories and share with them the love of Jesus. While I haven't been perfect, I have learned to curb my tongue (for the most part) and try not to let my passionate spirit get the best of me.

I've learned to trust Jesus with every aspect of my life. It's so hard because I want to do things in a rush and I'm still learning it all goes His speed, in His time. I've learned, mostly, that when I do things my way, I screw up. When I do things His way, I succeed. It's a continuing battle for me to pull on my reins of impatience and let Him work the way He wants. But God is faithful and I praise Him for it.

I've spent these two months with some of the best people I've encountered in my 19 years of life. They're hilarious, care deeply about others, and know when to have a good time and when to be serious. There have been frustrations, there have been rifts, but in the end I would say that I'm blessed to know them and to have worked with them for a short season.

The next post I'll concentrate on Kid's Club and the progress we saw in our kids :)

Tomorrow I begin packing and cleaning and turning in my keys. My parents come into Jeff City Saturday afternoon. There will be two more posts and then I will retire from using this blog. If after these posts you're interested in my daily life, you can go to my regularly used blog, www.inmymind08.blogspot.com where you'll find links to my college newspaper articles, as well as my life's struggles, fears, successes and hopes.

To bed I go...



Ciao!

Still Learning

Oakland Baptist Church is our host for our final week of being AO summer missionaries. It's nestled in Grainger County so it's a pretty ride every morning and evening. The church is phenomenal! Their cooking is genuine and so full of love. It doesn't hurt that it's amazingly tasty!



With Kid's Club finished you would think we're in the clearing. The BAT girls could do some sorting, cleaning, and basically keep to themselves until the end of the week. Not so, says the Lord. Every day in that ministry center, we get people who would love to open up to someone. All they need are listening ears and the right questions asked.

For instance, a woman came into the center today and she was just shopping. I was pulling empty hangers, doing a basically normal job. She comes into my aisle and I asked her how she was and she said she was good. The conversation ended. "Okay," I thought, "This is awkward. We're both in the aisle and we aren't talking. Let's get her talking!" So I asked how her day was going. She goes on to tell me she just found out today that her boyfriend of three weeks was using her to cheat on his girlfriend. She said "He made me feel so small." She barely put a space between her thumb and index finger to show how 'small' she felt.

I began to encourage her and continually said she deserved way better than that. She said her husband cheated on her as well. She then divorced him. My heart ached for her because you could see that she just wanted to be loved. We talked about God for a little bit and then I was called to do something. After she was finished getting her items checked out she said, "It was nice talking to you." I agreed. Looking back, I wish I said more about God's love than what I did. Don't you hate that? Everything you would've said comes to you after that moment. That's when I have to trust God, I suppose, and let His Holy Spirit work in her.

I then had a young mother come in with her four month old baby girl. There was a pull on my spirit to help her and watch her baby as she shopped. The mom walked away to shop before I could stop her. When I saw her trying to balance clothes and her baby, I walked to her and said I could watch her daughter. She gave me a grateful smile and handed the adorable girl to me. Betsy, Taira, and I played pass the baby and the girl had a good time. She was trying to nod off to sleep but she wanted to stay awake. I suppose she thought she would be missing something if she went to sleep!

I think that's the best way to show people you care. In the ministry center, I feel like the entire summer we've tried to show the clients that their kids are our kids, too. We try to show them love and courtesy by playing with their kids and keeping them occupied and out of their mothers' hair as they shop. It doesn't hurt that we get to have a wonderful, fun time with the kids in the process! But to see the relief on the parents' faces when we offer to watch their kids is so rewarding and you feel as if you've done something right.

We had an older gentleman come into the store around 11:50am. We're closed for lunch from 12-12:30. Destry, one of our volunteers, told him we would be closing in ten minutes. The man said he walked to AO. He said this as he used his inhaler. My heart went out to him and I told Destry I would stay at the counter as the man shopped. The man began to tell me of his medical problems. He's on oxygen, has a pacemaker, asthma, and a bunch of other problems. He was so pitiful I couldn't not let him stay when everyone was gone and let him get what he needed.

Taira and Pete helped him carry his stuff home. I asked Taira how his house was and she said it was in pretty bad shape. There were oxygen tanks everywhere and the mattress of his bed was very thin. She said it was a sad sight and said she wished someone could go and just clean his house for him. He's medically disabled and we would love to get him some help. However, Angie knows him and has seen him countless of times so I suppose they know his situation a little better than we do.

It's those sorts of people we have to look after. My eyes are always freshly open to people's needs and conditions. Sometimes it's easy to forget to look past the smiles on people's faces and just assume everything is fine. We as Christians need to realize those around us may be hurting. Actually, most of the time they are and they are in need of a kind word and listening ear. The Lord has been good to me by continually keeping my eyes open to other's inside emotions. He's always showing me different needs. It's wonderful and I pray that continues.

Ciao!

Visual Week 10

The Bond of the Body---Week 10

This was a week of lasts: Last groups and last Kid's Club session for the summer.

The BAT girls (that's Betsy, myself and Taira) were given the lovely news that we would be going to a work site for the week--plus working Kid's Club and on Monday night working the ministry center. All was not lost, however. We were blessed with an awesome group hailing from Memphis. Most of them were youth ranging from 12-18. Their leader, Elias Garcia, was so awesome! So down to earth and interested in every aspect of our lives. It was great just to open up to him and tell him my story.

His group had pretty much everything planned and our kids had a great time participating. They made a lot of new friends with our group and became very comfortable around them.



After Kid's Club, for Monday and Tuesday, we went to the new property that will be used for the new Samaritan House. Basically, Jean-Anne wanted us to clear away the trees and brush from the place where the future pavilion will stand. We got that done in four hours, two hours a day. Our group worked so hard! I loved working alongside them because their willingness to work was astounding and wonderfully refreshing. I was pleasantly shocked to see the work ethic of these young people. I, being a young adult myself, was proud see not all of our generation is lost. There are still parents doing their jobs and raising God-fearing young men and women. I love it!



Wednesday and Thursday went very smoothly. Because the work site was pretty much done, after Kid's Club on Wednesday the group went back to the MC to do some sorting and cleaning. It was a fun time and we got to know each other a bit better, too.



Thursday was our last day with our kids. I didn't cry over leaving. Jesus gave me a peace in my spirit. It was a conformation that I did what I was called to do for the summer. I came to be a witness and teach the kids about Jesus, the one who loves them beyond what they can even imagine. I came to love them and treat them like my own kids. God showed me the progress that happened over the eight or so weeks we were with the kids. The progress came rushing back to my brain and I stood in awe at how great God truly is.



We had a mega water war, which everyone absolutely loved. Taira and I had bought cups so the kids could fill them instead of the tubs they were accustomed to having. The cups worked way better. Everyone got extremely soaked and by the end of the day, all anyone wanted to do was collapse in a heap and go to sleep! Oh, that was a fun day =)



Taira and I allowed the group to go back to the dorm since they obviously deserved it for being so wonderful. That night, after work (we stopped around 8:30pm), BAT went to a birthday party they were throwing for Mrs. Betty. We played spoons and oh, was that hilarious! I love those types of games when everyone gets rowdy and obnoxiously loud. It's so much fun!! Betsy and I stayed until about 11:30pm when we all decided it was time to go to bed. Taira left around 9:30pm...

This morning our fabulous team left. Not until I received a little something from one of the girls. I read what she wrote to me and as we were pulling out of the church, I began to cry.

She spoke of how I made an impact on her life...

To be honest, this entire summer I've been questioning why exactly am I here. I knew God had something big for me but I didn't know exactly what He was concocting. I still don't fully know the reason why He wanted me to come here. But, a little piece of the puzzle has been uncovered. Throughout the summer, I had questions. You can read my last post or so and see the struggle I was facing. Needless to say, those questions are put to rest and I'm soaking in the peace that is Jesus Christ.

However, as far as seeing the harvest of my labor, that was still in question. I wanted to see it and I wanted to know that I was getting through to someone. Every week a new group would come in and they would encourage but I just didn't feel like I got any one's attention. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not vying for attention. I know my reward is in heaven. I rejoice in that fact. While, I don't depend on human acclamation, it is nice once in a while to know that the work God put me on earth to do is not being done in vain.

This letter I read today answered my questions. She said I made an impact on her life. That is such a humbling and awesome thing to read! I was excited because 1) God answered my prayer in the simplest form...in writing. 2) I now feel as though my time spent here has not been in vain and that everything has come full circle. 3) As I leave Jeff City and travel back to Jersey and then back to Nashville to continue my college career, I'll strive to be more of a better role model for those who've gotten a chance to come to know me.

The weeks for summer groups have come to an end. This week it's all about cleaning and reorganizing. I make my way back to good ol' Jersey on Saturday.

Tomorrow, however, a little fun is to be had. We're going rafting and then on Sunday we're going to the Dixie Stampede. Should be a hoot n' a holler.



Ciao!

Week 9 in a nutshell

Week 9---Peace, Fog, and A Too Soon Departure

Welp, faithful readers, I've finished my ninth week here at AO. It's so unbelievable to think in two weeks I'm moving out of the apartment and going home for three weeks then going back to Nashville, Belmont, friends, and pursuing what God has for me.

Here's a little catch-up on this week::

Taira and I had three people volunteer for Kid's Club. I was a little worried that it wouldn't go as smoothly as we'd like. Boy, was I wrong! This week was the best week as far as dealing with the kids and such. Every week there are those moments you want to pull your hair out because the kids won't listen and you feel you sound like a broken record, repeating the same things four or five times. This week, however, there was hardly any fights to break up. The three ladies who went with us, a middle-aged woman and two young teenagers, jumped right in and started helping out and bonding with the kids. They even had crafts that turned out to be a big hit with the kids! They were worried the kids wouldn't like the crafts and wouldn't participate, but they did and they loved them! I love how we expect the kids to respond and then they do a whole 180 and blow our minds. haha

Some pictures will be up soon so you can see the week we had.

Tomorrow Will, our missionary from Maryland, is going home. We are all very sad to see him leave. His dad is home from Iraq and Will hasn't seen him for about six months. I'm happy he'll be able to go home and spend some time with his family, but I'm also sad to see him go. He's such a great guy with a lot of energy. He makes us all laugh so easily. We'll miss him greatly. We love ya, Will!!

Now to explain the fog. Recently, as I've been reading the Bible, some questions have come up in my mind that scare me a little but also make me wonder. I'm reading Acts and I'm reading about how the disciples went out into the world and preached the Gospel. For some odd reason doubts have been coming up in my mind....no not doubts. That's not the right word. Wonderments cross my mind like "What if this isn't real?" or "What if I get to heaven and I'm dead wrong about everything?" or "Am I really doing the right thing?" or "Am I really forgiven when I sin?" These questions, especially the last one, is preposterous. My song for the week has definitely been "East to West" by Casting Crowns. It describes me like right on point. Also, Jeremy Camp's "I Still Believe" has been running through my mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyoVJfADlwo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4qPceadBMU

I believe Jesus is alive. I do believe Jesus has forgiven me. I know Jesus is my Savior and has my back. It's just hard right now to believe I'm truly forgiven. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Paul got it on point! Every time I do something wrong, I pray and ask God to forgive me. No sooner than I pray that prayer then I'm back doing what I was doing and I'm like "wait a minute. What the crap are you doing?!" I just feel like He's gonna get sick and tired of me screwing up and erase my name...That is such a big fear of mine, one I'm ashamed of having but sort of good to have because it keeps me on my toes.

As far as doing the right thing. How do we ever know we're on the right path? How do we ever know what we're doing is exactly what God wants us to do? As far as AO is concerned, yea I knew I was supposed to be here. I wouldn't have had such a great time if I wasn't. But, spiritually, I feel as though I'm not on track and that scares me. Here I am, trying to minister to kids and those around me when I myself feel as though I'm just stuck in sin. I know when we accept Jesus we're instantly a new creation, in the world not of it.

Some of the fog has lifted and it's died away. It's left me. But, some of it is still there. Please pray for me. I rarely ask for personal prayer but this time, I really need ya'll's support. I don't need questions. I need answers. I need reassurance from the Lord that what I'm doing and what I believe is legit, is hardcore. My fear is that I believe but as soon as I'm tested, I'll fall away and I don't want that. I want to serve Jesus and be with Him for eternity. I don't want to gain the world and lose my soul, as TobyMac says so correctly. So, please, if I pass your mind, throw up a prayer to Jesus for me. I'm praying and asking for clarity. It's just a matter of seeing what He does.

Then on the other hand I'm just wondering if I'm feeling like this because, since I've been on this battlefield in Jeff. City, I'm wondering if I just need to get away, sit in my room, my cat next to me, and think back on the summer. I need a winding down of my spirit. I need to rest in the Lord. Maybe that's it and maybe that's why I feel as though I have uncertainties about my faith. I'm uncertain as to what to do with all that has happened...

Either way, pray for me.

A bunch of us are going hiking tomorrow: Ramsay Cascades, an 8 mile hike. I'm so stoked!



Ciao!

Love Knows No Bounds---Week 8

Shout Out to Michelle: You're AWESOME!!! ♥

This week First Presbyterian Chuch in Jeff City opened its doors to us for the week. They had some good food!



Monday rolled around and after this weekend, my thoughts were still on our 14 year old and I wondered if he'd come back. A deep peace set in my heart and I resolved to go with teh flow. Whatever God was going to do, He would do and all I had to concern myself with was following Him.

Taira was worried and planned on going to our boy's house to talk to him. I urged her to be patient and if he didn't come back today, we would go and talk to him. Needless to say we didn't have to do that because he came back! I was watching the youngers as they were on the playground. One of the girls pointed behind me and said, "He's back."


I turned around and saw him. My heart began praising God. I turned to the girl as she was about to tell me a story about her weekend and motioned for her to wait a minute, that I would be back. The boy stood a way off, having me walk to him.


We said hey to each other and shook hands. Joy was written all over my face to see him, but also apologies had to be made. I told him I was sorry that I spent so much time talking to the girls last week, instead of trying to get him calmed down.

He asked if he could come back.

"My mom didn't want me to come but I begged her so she let me," he said.

I told him we were very happy to have him back. I was stunned by what he said though. You never know if what you're doing is making an impact on someone. And then something like that happens and it just energizes you to do better.

This week as a whole was awesome. We had such a great group from Powhatan, Virginia. A few teachers and people who just wanted to work and work came to us. There were a few tears shed when they left. I tried to keep myself from crying but during share time Friday morning, a guy from one of our Tenn. groups said:

"These kids are role models and leaders. If my kids could grow up to be like them, I would be very proud."

And that's when tears welled up. That's such a huge responsibility! I've never been called a role-model before and that just urges me to be as good a Christian as I possibly can. It's so weird. We missionaries are just college students doing what God called us to do for the summer. I personally don't think it's a big deal because I'm just doing what He wants me to do. But then people from the outside see what we're doing and they're blown away! I don't know whether to be proud or be totally embarrassed that someone is complimenting me for something God has done. I suppose I can be proud in Jesus Christ, boasting of what He's able to do if only we give ourselves wholly as living sacrifices.

Today I welcomed the weekend with open arms! Michelle, Nichole, Ayla and I went to Knoxville to visit the Sun Sphere. It's so cool! We then went to be legit outdoor shoppers and hit up Mast General Store, Bass Pro (for starbucks haha) and Life According to Jake. I know pretty much exactly what I want for Christmas this year! Toms, Chacos, some Life is Good apparel, and rent money!



Tomorrow we are going to New Market Baptist Church. Another week, another church. I'm excited, though, to see just how God rounds out the summer. There are only two weeks left for Kid's Club. I'd love to see huge changes in those kids' lives. Slowly but surely, only by the grace and awesomeness of God are we able to see this harvest. Our prayer is that as we sow seeds, the seeds will fall on good soil so that God can cultivate it and show these kids just how magnificent He can be. Pray for them and pray for Taira and me as we enter our second to final week of reaching the kids. There have been so many success stories that, like I said before, I will tell you all about once my first AO summer is over. Pray for more of these changes and more hearts come to know Christ as their one and only Savior.










Ciao!

I still believe

We were in Grainger County this week. That meant I had to wake up at 5:30am every morning, be at the MC by 6am and have everything ready to go by 6:30am so we could be at breakfast promptly at 7am. By the time Friday rolled around, I couldn't close my eyes, not even for one of those long blinks because if I did, I'd fall right asleep. Luckily, the missionaries were able to leave the MC by 10:30am. Since then, I've been recuperating...

God was faithful as we approached the seventh week. Taira and I were told last Friday we wouldn't have any help. I said, "The Lord will provide." And we believed in that statement. In some way, shape or form He would provide the help we would need, or what He thought we would need to get through the week. It was so cool to see Him work. We walked into the MC, still not knowing how we would handle 20+ kids. Angie, one of our supervisors, told us a church group was coming in from one of the surrounding areas to help in the MC. She said we were pretty much covered in the MC, so the group would be able to come with us! See how God provides?

They were only here for a day. There was about eight of them ready to help however they could. Good thing because we had 28 kids, the highest number we had so far! We were praising God the entire day because of His providing hands. Tuesday we had 20 kids and some of the youth from the Pittsburgh group came to help. We had three guys and three girls helping out. It was pretty awesome and we had a great time! Wednesday we had 23 kids. A volunteer named Destry helped us out and Ayla pitched in, too. Nichole also came and helped out. The kids behaved and all went well. They were really excited about Thursday, getting a hint that we would be doing another water fight like we did last Thursday.

Thursday rolled around soon enough. We planned on having Destry come over and help us again and then about three girls from the Pittsburgh group came with us. We were ready to have a great day. In the beginning, the kids as a whole were fine. There were a few new girls who came, supposedly friends with one of our 13 year olds. I could sense there was something amiss with the group of teens because they wouldn't participate, they wouldn't listen, and they were causing trouble with the boys. I knew it was the devil trying to make waves and that made me angry. I continually had to talk to the girls and then a few minutes later all Hell broke loose...

The teenage girls were talking to our boys and one of our 12 year olds was threatening to smack one our our boys and such. While I was helping the younger ones fill water balloons, I kept my ears alert to the goings on behind me. All of a sudden I hear swear words coming from behind me. My head shot up and I turned to see one of our older boys cursing out the 12 year old who threatened to smack him and push him around. Now this boy was a little rough around the edges but with a little love and appreciation, he has become respectful and helps out when we ask him. He goofs off with us and makes Taira and me crack up. He's got a good heart, it's just getting him to show that to the world instead of the hard shell he's built around himself.

I walked over to him and asked him to stop cursing. When he wouldn't, I asked him to go over to the field with the other guys and calm down. I said, "Just hang out with the boys as I take care of this." He continued to curse but he listened to me and went over to the field.

I then turned around to face the girls and called them out. I called the 12 year old out, asking her why she was acting like this when before this she was a sweet girl. She's supposedly a christian, going to church and just returned from church camp. After I said what I said, I know she was convicted and she started her crocodile tears. I thought, oh boy, here we go. She threatened to call her mom and she did. The other girls said to me, "You should be talking to him..."

I stopped that disrespectful attitude right there saying I ran the place and know how to discipline without their say in the matter.

I went into the kitchen to notify Taira of the situation. Before I could finish the story, we see a car pull up to the field where the boy was. The 12 year old's mother comes out of the car and starts cursing the poor boy out. The youngers were crowded around them and it honestly looked like a scene you would see in a middle school. Seems as though the mother is as mature as our kids! Despicable.

Destry was with the kids and I felt so bad seeing him in the middle of this turmoil. I rushed outside and stood on the hill, trying to figure out what to do, making sure a fight didn't break out. In the turmoil a whisper came into my mind. It was God I knew. While I was uncertain about the situation at hand, He was still there and I could feel Him right next to me.

"Get the young ones out of there."

I called to the Pittsburgh girls to help me. I stood on the hill and called for the ones not involved to come to me. They listened and came to me. I asked them to assemble in the front lawn because I had something to say. A young girl, Taris (sweetest thing ever!), herded the kids and reminded them of what I said.

After the mom pretty much destroyed our boy's confidence, she came up the hill and told her kids to get their stuff together because they were leaving. I talked to her privately and said her daughter should know better than to act like that. Surprisingly, she agreed with me. The mom doesn't go to church but her daughter does. I said we'd like to have them back because they need to hear about Jesus just as much as the other kids do. I didn't touch on the subject of her acting immature and cursing out a 14 year old kid. Let God handle that one. The kids have been put in my charge by God and that's who I care about.

The boy, after being humiliated, called his brother and had him pick him up. I felt so bad and wanted to talk to him but he left before I could.

After the mom and her kids left, I assembled the kids in the front yard and gave them an ultimatum. They could behave and we would continue the activities planned or they could go home right then and we would cancel everything. We had no problem doing either. The kids, taken aback by my discipline tactic, asked for the former.

Remember those teenage girls who caused the trouble? Yea, they left after lunch. After they left, though, it was like a breath of fresh air. Everything went well! The kids loved the water balloon fight and Taira and I sprayed the hose at them, getting them extremely soaked.

The mom's kids returned in time for the water fun and I even sprayed their hair funky colors. We had bought colored hair spray and they loved it! The 14 year old returned but kept at a distance, talking to one of our other boys. He left just as quickly as he came back. I didn't get a chance to talk to him...

Taira and I talked about the situation that occurred and I felt horrible, knowing instead of wasting my breath on those who were deaf to what I said I should've spent the words on calming him down.

I was scared we would never get him back. I called my youngest brother that night and cried over the phone while telling him the story. He reassured me it was the devil trying to destroy what God was doing. He encouraged me to pray about it and see what happened on Monday. I felt so torn up and honestly felt defeated. There was a smidge of faith left, though, that kept me pushing on. Up til today, I asked myself over and over again what the point was of doing the club if all we do is discipline and stop fights from occurring.

The song I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp has been stuck in my head since Thursday night. I think it's God's way of telling me not to give up. That, though there is hardship, He's in the midst and all I have to do is keep the faith the size of a mustard seed and He will work. The key word is faith. Without faith, I'm nothing. God brought those kids to us and He brought the 14 year old, too. Just because the kid left for the day doesn't mean God can't bring him back.

The kid is sort of like the prodigal son. God will bring him back into the fold and we will rejoice that he comes back. I'm going to have faith and trust that God will bring him back in His time and if it be His will.

This week I learned to trust God. Not only to trust God but to have faith in the storms that seem to come out of the blue. As I reflect back, I can see the evil that was trying to come in. But, I can also see the Lord standing next to me and giving me the words to say. I can see Him speaking through me and showing me how to handle that bad situation. He held me back a few times but He also let me go a few times, too. I think the biggest scene that is sticking with me right now, as I type, is when I stood on that hill, looking at the kids and asking what I should do...God was there, standing with me the entire time and He gave me the solution for the time being. He's still working out the problem and I'm hoping and praying we will get to see our 14 year old again. I pray for a breakthrough in that boy's life and I ask that ya'll reading this will pray for him, too.

Pray also for a 5 year old we have. Ayla and Nichole talked to her about Jesus and she told them she wasn't special. They fixed the problem and shared the Gospel with her but there are still some problems we need to work out. Pray for her as well.

Pray for Taira and me as we start the third to last week of kid's club. We want to see God's Hand in every situation and we want to know how to go about telling as many kids as we can about Jesus. I feel as though we have made an impact on these kids' lives and because of us being used by God, nine kids have accepted Jesus so far.

My greatest desire is that those who were unsure of accepting Jesus will accept Him and, upon acceptance, will see the joy and the fulfillment Jesus brings. There have been so many triumphs in that place. The very last entry, I will tell how the kids were in the beginning and then share how they are now. Right now, we've seen changes happen in how the kids behave and treat us. I praise God for the changes and ask for more work. Our work isn't completed yet. We still have three weeks and in those three weeks, we're expecting a mighty work from God. Pray for that work.

Ciao!